


Regrets (FFXIVWrite2020 Day 15 - Ache)

by Ivelia



Series: FFXIV Write 2020 [15]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Gen, Patch 5.3: Reflections in Crystal Spoilers, Tumblr: FFXIVwrite2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:47:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26494351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ivelia/pseuds/Ivelia
Summary: Part of my attempt for #FFXIVWrite2020 - September 15 (Day 15 - Ache)The most painful things are the shadows in your heart.Spoilers for Patch 5.3 + Short stories, please read at your own discretion!
Series: FFXIV Write 2020 [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906951
Kudos: 1





	Regrets (FFXIVWrite2020 Day 15 - Ache)

As it was his habit, he was resting under a tree in one of the peaceful parks of Amaurot. Several lifetimes ago, it used to be his preferred method for finding a semblance of peace of mind, but… As he raised one of his hands to block the blueish, dancing rays of the everlasting light that filtered to the depths of the recreated city, he thought that, as always with these poor fragments of reality, something was disturbingly  _ off _ . Even this recreation of their glorious city of eld was nothing but a pale shadow, in spite of his best efforts. But it was kinda fitting. A lackluster shadow of a past dream, to entomb what was, at best, probably, maybe, a lacking simulacrum of  _ that person _ .  _ Maybe _ .

He still remembered, back then, one of the last times he saw her, after that fateful Convocation meeting where she had been, in a surprisingly display of eloquence for once, lambasting her colleagues as “craven, cowering behind a kid to hide their own incompetence” (of course, using that exact formulation did not help her argument). He still remembered her look of hurt, when she realised that he would not back her up on her eccentric choices, not this time, when the stakes were so high, even though the stakes were so high; her gaze as she looked at him as if he had stabbed her in the back tore his heart apart, yet he still joined the chorus of their peers:

\- “This is not the time for your games-”

\- “It has never been a game for me, but every single one of you-” she had been seething, an unusual expression on her usually good-natured, optimistic person “- are always stuck in here, standing high and mighty, like you’re above everything, but now that the issue directly concerns you and yours, you still decide to do nothing but sacrifice others so that ‘ _something’_ _‘might’_ solve your problems for you!?” Her diatribe had restarted anew, but outnumbered thirteen to one, she finally ended up resigning on the spot, leaving in a flurry of self righteous rage, wanting no part in this farce of theirs. At that time, their decision had felt right, but, sometimes, he wondered... What would have happened if he had followed her? Would they have finally found and defeated the source of disaster? Or, as she had put it “at least they would have gone down, giving their all”, like she suggested? Maybe it would have been for the better, better than what had become of them… He sighed. 

This was the closest to their goal they had ever been, but for what? Of the three that had evaded sundering, one had been looked in a reckless forward charge, until it finally led him to his demise; the other had forgotten everything about himself bar his duty, and him…. He looked at the metropolis around him… Maybe one could say that he was a bit fixated on the past. But he  _ had  _ to  _ remember _ ; if not, who else would? Though… Sometimes, remembering was painful. He clutched his hand over his heart, the figurative seat of his anguish; in his closed fist, an amber stone was softly glowing. The person it was modelled after would probably have approved of this unnecessary  _ thing  _ he was doing; after all, it was closer to her style than his. And… he felt that he owed it to  _ her _ . Even if he refused to admit that this pitiful, malformed monster was linked to her in any way, it would still be fit to champion her ideas, in a way; this would serve as some sort of closure to an argument he knew they would have had, had she not left.

And so, he was giving them a final chance to prove themselves. He felt a bit uneasy at this own recklessness; after all, while they were indeed the closest they had been to victory, they were also dangerously close to defeat, with only two of them remaining unsundered, and even their numbers of  _ substitute  _ members running low, while the party coming after him was composed of seven-times-rejoined fakes that had still managed to lay low several of their numbers, even the most eminent Lahabrea, even if he had been but a shadow of his former glorious self. He knew he should take the easy, safe road, and just  _ terminate _ them, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so; and somehow, watching that poor copy lapse into madness, only to be slain by its own comrades, or just massacre them all as they were trying, at the antithesis of what it had always stood for, felt  _ wrong _ , even more so than their continued existence; it would be nicer for them to just die swiftly by his own hand but, after the deception they turned out to be, they had to come and earn the honour. 

Maybe this bout of clemency should be chalked up to the time they had spent together on the First; he had to concede that he had some measure of fun, following them in their now failed quest to restore the night to these lands. Was she the same as that adventurer, back then, when she went on her grand adventures? Somehow, he thought that it might actually have been fun to go… When everything was said and done, perhaps he should take some time off, and accompany her on her travels sometimes. He would also serve as her chaperone, and prevent her from getting into more trouble than usual… Though… He sighed again, remembering that once they brought back everyone, and everything restarted falling back into place, just like the way it was before, she wouldn’t even be a member of the Convocation any more; at this point, returning to the City, for someone that was considered as a deserter at best, traitor to all of creation at worse, was still very much up in the air. And above that... Her severely disappointed look flashed before his face once again. 

He sighed, clutching the stone a bit more. Why was it they were doing this for, again? Oh well. He got up and dusted the grass of his clothes, putting the shiny crystal away with its brethren. It would probably be useless, but for appearance's sake… He still had some preparations to do before his final guest arrived.

**Author's Note:**

> Today's word is "Ache".  
> My Swiss cheese brain can’t remember if it was mentioned that Azem was not in Amaurot when the _thing_ happened, if not pretend if was a Aether-Zoom meeting or something xD


End file.
